Reviewer name: Chris Kim
Workshop Author: Xiaohan Yang
Essay Title: To the Editor:
Peer Critique – Essay 2: Persuasive Essay with Annotated Bibliography
I. Thesis
(1) What is the subject of the essay (the issue)?
-Main reason why international students-especially Chinese students-come to U.S.
(2) What is the argument of the main opinion article the author is responding to? (complaint)
-International student attending universities could contribute to the U.S.’s economy. The main reason why international students come to U.S. is to experience different culture.
(3) Restate and characterize the author’s argument (thesis/pitch):
-The main reason why Chinese students come to U.S. is not to experience different culture, but to receive better education in better environment. Since Asian culture extremely focuses on academic aspect of students’ life, many students do not have enough freedom to experience other aspect of student life. And U.S. has many universities with higher university ranking, which provides higher possibility of earning job if the university ranking is high. Thus, many Asian students come to U.S. to study.
II. Clarity, Development, and Structure
(1) Does each paragraph advance the argument with a clear transition and topic sentence? Does the topic sentence consistently present the central idea of the paragraph?
-I think each paragraph does a good job building a logical analysis; however, I think some paragraphs lack smooth transition, which cause the paragraphs insignificant. If the smooth transitional phrases are well used, the paper’s quality will be enhanced.
(2) How well does each paragraph use evidence to support its claims?
-Many supports came from personal anecdote and background. Although I believe personal experience is effective way to support the assertion, but I think more factual evidences and more journalistic evidences could be used to strengthen the author’s argument.
(3) How well does the author introduce/contextualize quotations and paraphrases?
-I think the author did a fair job introducing the Chinese academic background in general, yet concise way. But I think the author could have introduced more quotations to vary the evidences.
(4) Does the essay consider at least one reasonable counterargument?
-Yes, in the conclusion, the author introduces possible factors that can vary the international students’ purpose of coming to U.S.
(5) How effectively does the essay conclude? Rather than summarizing, does it synthesize/consider counter-arguments/trace out implications or address a So What? question?
-I think the conclusion is effective, but it weakens the paper’s argument. It provides brief summary of the main argument, then gives possible factors that can vary the main argument. And the author ends paper saying generalizing various motivations is difficult. Although it is a well thought out and true statement, I think the author’s job in this paper is not to weaken the argument, but to strongly emphasize the argument.
(6) Any final thoughts?
-I think in general, the paper is well written with interesting and powerful personal experience. The paragraphs are reasonably written and make readers want to read the paper. The conclusion ends with counterargument, which is an interesting way to end paper. If the some paragraphs makes smooth transition and some factual evidence is added to the paper, it will be a more decent paper.
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