Peer Critique Worksheet

Reviewer’s Name: Chris Kim

Author’s Name: Leanne Shashlo

Title of Essay: Precis: Erika Engstrom, Unraveling the Knot Article Draft

Summarize the essay briefly (2-3 sentences).

- The author (of the summary) provides general overview of the article, describing the background of the article’s author, examples that the author uses, and what the author argues. Then the author (of the summary) further develops the argument in the article-that bridal industry sets expectations for society about what weddings require to be not only acceptable, but also perfect-through organizing the summary with claim, support and effectiveness.

What is the author arguing? (thesis/pitch)

-The pitch of the article is the bridal industry, through media companies, sets expectations for society about what weddings require to be not only acceptable, but also perfect.

Is the thesis clear? Does it lay out the argument the author pursues in the paper? Does it present a nuanced perspective (one that meets the requirements of a good thesis outlined on the work sheet?)

-The pitch is very clear; it clearly presents what the article’s author is arguing in easily acknowledgeable and concise manner.

Is the essay well-organized? Do paragraphs follow each other logically?

-Although the summary did not follow the general guideline, it was cleverly organized, introducing ideas concisely. But, complaint and context was ambiguously presented; according to the guideline, pitch, complaint, and context should be presented; however only pitch was clearly presented, while complaint and context was clearly not introduced. But overall, the organization was cleverly done.

Does each paragraph make sense? Does it start with a topic sentence and stay on topic?

-Yes, each paragraph is logically written. Each paragraph followed the intended meaning of the paragraph, and also established the whole idea of the paper.

Does each paragraph offer evidence to support its claims? Does it analyze or merely summarize?

-Although the ideas were organized and logically written, supporting part was not strong enough to backup strong ideas. For example, the authors should have defined the term ‘hegemony’, since the author is using the term to explain other ideas. Also support part of the paper was too short compare to the idea presented, and it did not clearly stated support saying, “This alone is enough to convince readers...” The support should make clear and detailed logic to support the author’s idea.

Does the author introduce/contextualize quotations?

-Yes, the author uses series of quotations to support ideas; small quotations were also used to show ideas.

How could the author strengthen the supporting paragraphs?

-The author should have developed more analysis of quotations; quotations were well used, but the analysis to present stronger support should be constructed. Lack of strong analysis also weakened the potential effectiveness of quotation, weakening entire support paragraph.

Does the conclusion offer a clarifying summary? How effectively does it recall the central argument?

-The conclusion was not presented in the summary; but effectiveness part well summarized overall effectiveness of the paper. Central argument was not recalled and conclusion might have strengthened the paper overall.

Identify persistent mechanical errors in the essay (comma usage, quotation format, run-ons and fragments, etc.)

-There were no persistent mechanical errors in the paper.

Concluding Remarks

-The paper overall had good quality; pitch was clearly stated, organization and connection between paragraphs were excellent. There were no persistent grammar errors, while constructing strong sentence structure. But clear complaint and context have been introduced in the first part of the paper, and strong support analysis should have been made to support strong ideas. Weak support analysis weakened general support of the paper. Moreover, conclusion would have strengthened the paper overall. But the paper was well constructed, demonstrating clear summary.

Peer Critique Practice

Reviewer’s Name: Chris Kim

Author’s Name: Name Withheld

Title of Essay: The History of Bitch

Summarize the essay briefly (2-3 sentences).

-The essay is analyzing the definition of the word ‘bitch.’ The essay starts off with personal experience, where the author is exposed to the word ‘bitch,’ and get confused about the exact meaning of ‘bitch.’ The author further explores the meaning of ‘bitch’, providing historical development of word, example that uses word ‘bitch,’ and multiple connotations that the word has.

What is the author arguing? (thesis/pitch)

-It is unclear what the paper is arguing; however as the paper approaches to the end, it focuses on the word’s gender issues and the usage of alternative meaning. Eventually, the paper argues that although the word ‘bitch’ holds many connotations and alternative usage, the negative connotation-which is the prime meaning of the word nowadays-cannot be removed.

Is the thesis clear? Does it lay out the argument the author pursues in the paper? Does it present a nuanced perspective (one that meets the requirements of a good thesis outlined on the work sheet?)

-No, the thesis in the paper is not evident enough; it is not clear whether thesis statement exists or not. Thus, the paper’s thesis statement is not sufficient enough to provide the general argument that the author is making. The thesis statement does not have a clear purpose, and with no structural introduction, it leads the paper to lose its argument.

Is the essay well-organized? Do paragraphs follow each other logically?

-Organization of essay is poor at the first part of essay. The introduction is not structurally written and the thesis statement is not clear. But as the paper develops, the author seems to establish stronger argument and organization. The paragraphs effectively follow each other and shows that paragraphs are logically linked.

Does each paragraph make sense? Does it start with a topic sentence and stay on topic?

-Few paragraphs are either short or dependent. But overall, each paragraph has its purpose and is thoughtfully positioned. Except paragraphs where personal experience is used, other paragraphs do start with opening topic sentences, and purposefully written.

Does each paragraph offer evidence to support its claims? Does it analyze or merely summarize?

-Some paragraphs do not provide strong evidence to support its claims, but it is connected to the other paragraphs where the supporting evidence is presented. Thus, some paragraphs do not provide clear evidence, but they are connected with other paragraphs where the evidence is presented. The author utilized easy, practical, and general evidences, which can be effective if the evidence is thoroughly analyzed. The author’s evidence seems informal, but the author effectively analyzes and supports the paper’s claim.

Does the author introduce/contextualize quotations?

-The author uses series of small, intelligent, humorous quotations, which are powerful if properly used. The author once provides block quotation, which examines usage of the word ‘bitch’ in both genders. Although humorous quotations may inflict lack of intelligent analysis, the author successfully uses the quotation to claim his view.

How could the author strengthen the supporting paragraphs?

-If the author also used academic articles, journals, or books as supporting evidence, it would strengthen the essay. The combination of personal anecdote and small, humorous, yet intelligent quotations with powerful academic sources would further emphasize supporting paragraphs.

Does the conclusion offer a clarifying summary? How effectively does it recall the central argument?

-The conclusion does not contain a clarifying summary; the conclusion presents unmentioned assertion. Since the paper lacked general thesis, the readers might be confused about the central assertion of the paper. And what the author does in conclusion is not recalling his central argument, but creating an argument that should be presented in introduction. The author does not summarize his arguments that were made in body paragraphs, but instead provides generalized thesis statement.

Identify persistent mechanical errors in the essay (comma usage, quotation format, run-ons and fragments, etc.)

- There are no noticeable persistent mechanical errors in the essay, but the sentence structure-especially first part of the essay-is sometimes confusing and long. But generally, the author successfully avoids any persistent mechanical errors in the essay.

Summarize the essay in 2-3 sentences.

-SKIP (?)

Concluding Remarks

-Since the paper did not provide any clear thesis statement to focus the readers into central argument, the readers might find hard time finding the central emphasis of the essay. The introduction part did not fulfill what it should have done. Use of personal anecdote and insights in introduction might produce powerful intro; but too long and excessive use of personal experience with no central thesis statement creates ambiguous introduction, impacting entire structure of essay, especially in conclusion. Body paragraphs were insightfully filled with simple and humorous quotations, while one block quotation filled the lack of quotation need. But if the body paragraphs were further supported with academic sources, the author might develop more thorough support, enhancing the quality of essay. The conclusion presented insightful analysis, but no arguments were recalled and summarized. It presented general thesis, which were merely implied throughout the body paragraphs. Generally speaking, if the thorough introduction and thesis statement were provided and strong conclusion was made, the essay might have been great essay.

Pitch, Complaint, and Context

Violence exposure in real-life, video games, television, movies, and the Internet: is there desensitization?

Note: The rate of crimes of violence in US has dropped about 15 percent, but self-reported violent offending by American children has not declined. Large exposure of violence has impacted children and their identity, establishing the acceptance of violence in children’s mind. A thorough study has shown the negative impact of media exposure of violence, altering the empathy and attitude toward violence.

Pitch: Violence presented in media, especially video games and movies, desensitizes-which means reduction of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral responses to stimulus-children’s attitude and empathy toward violence, which allows increased aggression.

Complaint: This article is reacting to the negative impact that children are receiving from the media’s exposure of violent stimulus; children are desensitized by the exposure of violence from media.

Context: From the point where TV became major influence in children’s life.