Essay 2_Peer Critique Work Sheet_Eric

Reviewer name: Chris Kim

Workshop Author: Eric Horst

Essay Title: To the Editor: Viewpoint: College Sports and Academics, tow Giants Co exist

Peer Critique – Essay 2: Persuasive Essay with Annotated Bibliography

I. Thesis

(1) What is the subject of the essay (the issue)?

-How sports and education coexisted

(2) What is the argument of the main opinion article the author is responding to? (complaint)

- Sports can coexist with education because sports help school to classify itself from other numerous schools.

(3) Restate and characterize the author’s argument (thesis/pitch):

-The author believes that the sports could have coexisted with education not only the sports shapes school’s identity, but also sports bring other beneficial factors to student athletes.

II. Clarity, Development, and Structure

(1) Does each paragraph advance the argument with a clear transition and topic sentence? Does the topic sentence consistently present the central idea of the paragraph?

-Although the paragraphs are reasonably written and positioned, there should be clearer connection and smooth connection between paragraphs. And there should be a need to present decisive thesis in the paper.

(2) How well does each paragraph use evidence to support its claims?

-Evidences used in the essay are effective and reliable; with the factual information gathered from different articles and personal background as a student athlete provides strong support to the main argument. But in part where the author mentioned ‘Joe Paterno scandal at Penn,’ the author assumed all the readers know the incident. If the reader did not know the incident, the argument the author is making will be viewed as useless and illogical statement.

(3) How well does the author introduce/contextualize quotations and paraphrases?

-I think the author does have a strong argument and deep analysis, but the author needs to organize paragraphs that will enable to produce more efficient analysis.

(4) Does the essay consider at least one reasonable counterargument?

-Yes, the author actually writes strong counterargument in the paper, which the author refutes back later in the paper.

(5) How effectively does the essay conclude? Rather than summarizing, does it synthesize/consider counter-arguments/trace out implications or address a So What? question?

-The author concludes paper without any summary. The author shortly and strongly emphasizes the argument and ends the paper with ‘humorous’ statement.

(6) Any final thoughts?

-I think the author used strong and thorough evidences driven from personal background and factual information. But I could not find out decisive thesis until I finished reading the paper. Since the decisive thesis was not provided, it was confusing to catch what the central argument was. If clear thesis was introduced in intro, the paper would be more effective.

Essay 2_Peer Critique Work Sheet_Hansen

Reviewer name: Chris Kim

Workshop Author: Xiaohan Yang

Essay Title: To the Editor:

Peer Critique – Essay 2: Persuasive Essay with Annotated Bibliography

I. Thesis

(1) What is the subject of the essay (the issue)?

-Main reason why international students-especially Chinese students-come to U.S.

(2) What is the argument of the main opinion article the author is responding to? (complaint)

-International student attending universities could contribute to the U.S.’s economy. The main reason why international students come to U.S. is to experience different culture.

(3) Restate and characterize the author’s argument (thesis/pitch):

-The main reason why Chinese students come to U.S. is not to experience different culture, but to receive better education in better environment. Since Asian culture extremely focuses on academic aspect of students’ life, many students do not have enough freedom to experience other aspect of student life. And U.S. has many universities with higher university ranking, which provides higher possibility of earning job if the university ranking is high. Thus, many Asian students come to U.S. to study.

II. Clarity, Development, and Structure

(1) Does each paragraph advance the argument with a clear transition and topic sentence? Does the topic sentence consistently present the central idea of the paragraph?

-I think each paragraph does a good job building a logical analysis; however, I think some paragraphs lack smooth transition, which cause the paragraphs insignificant. If the smooth transitional phrases are well used, the paper’s quality will be enhanced.

(2) How well does each paragraph use evidence to support its claims?

-Many supports came from personal anecdote and background. Although I believe personal experience is effective way to support the assertion, but I think more factual evidences and more journalistic evidences could be used to strengthen the author’s argument.

(3) How well does the author introduce/contextualize quotations and paraphrases?

-I think the author did a fair job introducing the Chinese academic background in general, yet concise way. But I think the author could have introduced more quotations to vary the evidences.

(4) Does the essay consider at least one reasonable counterargument?

-Yes, in the conclusion, the author introduces possible factors that can vary the international students’ purpose of coming to U.S.

(5) How effectively does the essay conclude? Rather than summarizing, does it synthesize/consider counter-arguments/trace out implications or address a So What? question?

-I think the conclusion is effective, but it weakens the paper’s argument. It provides brief summary of the main argument, then gives possible factors that can vary the main argument. And the author ends paper saying generalizing various motivations is difficult. Although it is a well thought out and true statement, I think the author’s job in this paper is not to weaken the argument, but to strongly emphasize the argument.

(6) Any final thoughts?

-I think in general, the paper is well written with interesting and powerful personal experience. The paragraphs are reasonably written and make readers want to read the paper. The conclusion ends with counterargument, which is an interesting way to end paper. If the some paragraphs makes smooth transition and some factual evidence is added to the paper, it will be a more decent paper.

Essay 2_Peer Critique Work Sheet_Jordan

Reviewer name: Chris Kim

Workshop Author: Jordan Hall

Essay Title: Letter to the Editor

Peer Critique – Essay 2: Persuasive Essay with Annotated Bibliography

I. Thesis

(1) What is the subject of the essay (the issue)?

-College binge drinking and blacking out

(2) What is the argument of the main opinion article the author is responding to? (complaint)

-Binge drinking in campus became normal news in University, but the increase in students who are blacking out needs to be stopped.

(3) Restate and characterize the author’s argument (thesis/pitch):

-The author believes that not only blacking out, but also binge drinking can result serious problems. The author proposes possible consequence that can be driven from binge drinking. And the author presents factual study, showing the cause of drinking to the point where it produces negative consequences.

II. Clarity, Development, and Structure

(1) Does each paragraph advance the argument with a clear transition and topic sentence? Does the topic sentence consistently present the central idea of the paragraph?

-The transition between paragraphs is smooth and effective. Topic sentence is well used to show the central idea of the paragraph. But I think there should be more clear connection between thesis and the paragraph where the author writes about the cause of binge drinking in college.

(2) How well does each paragraph use evidence to support its claims?

-The author successfully uses evidences to support the argument. Also, the author further emphasizes the argument through short personal anecdote.

(3) How well does the author introduce/contextualize quotations and paraphrases?

-I think the author well introduced the quotations, which effective support the argument the author is making.

(4) Does the essay consider at least one reasonable counterargument?

-No, I could not find any counterargument in the paper.

(5) How effectively does the essay conclude? Rather than summarizing, does it synthesize/consider counter-arguments/trace out implications or address a So What? question?

-The essay ends with possible solution to prevent binge drinking. The author proposed what the article introduced, and further develops the solution. But the last sentence of the conclusion was ambiguous. What are the previous and incorrect ideas about college life?

(6) Any final thoughts?

-I think the author did a good job writing effective persuasive essay. The introduction was interesting and the body paragraphs were well supported with thorough evidences. And if the author made more clear connection between one paragraph, the paper will be a decent paper.

Essay 2_Peer Critique Work Sheet_Leanne

Reviewer name: Chris Kim

Workshop Author: Leanne Shashlo

Essay Title: Article Response

Peer Critique – Essay 2: Persuasive Essay with Annotated Bibliography

I. Thesis

(1) What is the subject of the essay (the issue)?

-Lack of the University’s effort to inform students about scholarship programs

(2) What is the argument of the main opinion article the author is responding to? (complaint)

-The University of Michigan’s high tuition cost excludes students from low socioeconomic background. Students with low socioeconomic status who do not have financial affordability to pay tuition cost for the university do not even attempt to apply for admission, because they know they could not attend school due to lack of financial strength. And the University does not provide students with available scholarship sources thoroughly, which hinders students from financial support.

(3) Restate and characterize the author’s argument (thesis/pitch):

-The author largely disagrees with the article’s argument; the author thinks the University is providing scholarship information to the students. Also the author argues that there should be scholarship program aimed not only for low-income students, but also other aids considering wide economic diversity of students.

II. Clarity, Development, and Structure

(1) Does each paragraph advance the argument with a clear transition and topic sentence? Does the topic sentence consistently present the central idea of the paragraph?

-Yes, the author did a good job advancing the argument with smooth and clear transition and topic sentence. The author also did a decent job consistently presenting the central idea of the paragraph.

(2) How well does each paragraph use evidence to support its claims?

-The author used very specific and effective evidences to support her claim, especially first body paragraph where she mention specific program to refute the claim the article made.

(3) How well does the author introduce/contextualize quotations and paraphrases?

-The author effectively uses the quotation to support her view. The quotations are all properly used and follow the flow of the paper well.

(4) Does the essay consider at least one reasonable counterargument?

-No, I could not find a counterargument in the paper.

(5) How effectively does the essay conclude? Rather than summarizing, does it synthesize/consider counter-arguments/trace out implications or address a So What? question?

-Although the author generally summarizes the paper’s argument, the author leaves the readers with the necessity of more thorough analysis on the subject.

(6) Any final thoughts?

-In general, this paper is well organized and well supported. Although introduction seems little bit shaky, as the paper enters to the body paragraph, the paper turn into strong and thorough essay. Also, counterargument could be utilized to further strengthen the paper. But otherwise, the author did a decent job writing the paper.